How to Approach Someone in Real Life

In a world dominated by dating apps, the idea of approaching someone in real life can feel daunting. For LGBTQ+ singles, it can be even more challenging: how do you know if someone is queer AND single? How do you start a conversation without making things awkward? At SANCE, we believe that real life connections are worth the effort. Here’s a guide to navigating in-person flirting with confidence and respect.

1. Read the Signals

Before making a move, take a moment to assess the situation. Is the person making eye contact? Are they wearing a SANCE accessory that signals availability? Subtle cues like a smile, open body language, or eye contact could indicate interest. If they seem distracted, closed off, or in a rush, it may not be the best moment to approach.

2. Start with Casual Conversation

Jumping straight into flirt mode can feel forced. Instead, break the ice with something casual and natural. Compliment something they’re wearing, comment on your shared surroundings, or ask a simple question. For example:
✅ “That tote bag is awesome! Where did you get it?”
✅ “This café has great vibes. Have you been here before?”

Starting with a relaxed tone allows the conversation to flow naturally.

3. Respect Boundaries

Confidence is attractive, but pushiness is not. If the other person seems uninterested or gives short responses, respect their space. Not everyone will be in the mood to engage, and that’s okay. If they politely decline or seem disinterested, smile and move on.

4. Use Body Language to Show Interest

Small, non-intrusive gestures can signal that you’re interested. Leaning in slightly, maintaining comfortable eye contact, and mirroring their posture can build a sense of connection. But be mindful - if they pull away or seem uncomfortable, give them space.

5. Know When (and How) to Flirt

If the conversation is flowing well, adding a touch of lighthearted flirting can help build chemistry. Try playful teasing or subtle compliments:
❤️ “You have great taste in coffee. I might have to trust you with my next order.”
❤️ “So, do you always brighten up bookstores with your presence, or is today special?”

The key is to keep it natural and gauge their response. If they laugh and engage, great! If they seem unsure, ease back into a more neutral conversation.

6. Ask for Their Contact Info (Smoothly)

If the vibe is right, don’t be afraid to take the next step. Rather than putting pressure on the situation, keep it casual:
📲 “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you—would you like to exchange Instagram handles?”

📲 Check what they are buying in the supermarket, e.g. pasta: “Looks like you’ll have pasta for dinner. If you don’t feel like cooking, you can message me and we will go to a restaurant instead.”

 📲 “I’d love to continue this conversation. Want to grab a coffee sometime?”

This gives them an easy way to say yes (or no) without feeling cornered.

7. Be Okay with Any Outcome

Not every interaction will lead to romance - and that’s fine! Sometimes, you’ll make a new friend or simply walk away with the confidence of knowing you put yourself out there. The more you practice, the easier and more natural it becomes.

ALTERNATIVE: Are you getting nervous just reading this?

We all have different comfort levels when it comes to approaching someone, and for some, it’s easier than for others. To support our introverted or shy SANCE members, we’ve created the SANCE Flirting Cards - a fun and effortless way to break the ice!

Each card features a charming opening line and space for your contact details. Simply hand the card to someone who catches your eye (don’t forget to smile!) and choose whether to linger for their reaction or walk away with confidence.

If they’re interested, they’ll have an easy way to reach out. And if not, don’t be discouraged; the right person will come along in time. Most importantly, be proud of yourself for stepping outside your comfort zone and making a move!

Final Thoughts: Building an LGBTQ+ Dating Culture of Respect

Approaching someone in real life can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. The goal isn’t just to find a date, but to foster a culture where LGBTQ+ people feel comfortable making connections in everyday life. By reading social cues, respecting boundaries, and having fun with the process, you’ll set the stage for meaningful encounters - whether they lead to love, friendship, or just a great conversation.

So, put your phone down, wear your SANCE accessories with confidence, and start making real-life connections. Love is out there, you just have to be open to finding it. ❤️